Friday, December 31, 2010

State of illusion...

What if it's not meant to end ? Not this way atleast,
what if it's not meant to start ? Not this way i think,
what if things were meant to change ? Should I wait ?
What if things would never change ? Should I move on ?

What if I made a mistake ?
What if everything turns upside down, inside out, forward backward ?
What if there's no tomorrow ?
What if everything, everyone stops ? Even me one day...

What if I lost the battle ?
What if I lose everything I have ?
What if and what ifs, always crowding our lives,
but in reality, what ifs dont exist.

It's an illusion, a trance of delusion,
a state of empty conclusions,
more than anything, an otherwise foolish solution,
incarcerating you, causing mental explosion.

Inextricably caught, in it's claws,
running in a loop without a sane cause,
scared of life, scared of death, scared of everything that exists,
living in fear, killing the rest of you while the time remains.

And what if I don't die, and what if I live ?
I'd have wasted my time, in fear that I'd die,
a vicious circle, a cycle of life,
a vicious circle, this universe provides.

And lost without identity, a zombie in paradise,
and lost without feelings, waiting for the end to arrive,
and what will be will be, que sera sera,
and dancing life will one day melt into the era.

Thursday, December 30, 2010


Standing without a soul, they stand tall alone,
naked, bland, crooked, preponderant silhouettes,
stretching their arms, etched against the tempestuous sky,
rendered leafless, void of foliage,
standing without a soul, they stand tall alone.

Swaying hither and thither, left clueless without their trusted leaves,
appearing lost like ants, when you disrupt their chain,
no longer complacent, no longer haughty,
stuck inextricably, waiting for winter to get over,
standing without a soul, they still stand tall alone.

I look at them, some stare back tenaciously,
as if I'm the enemy, and they all are in cahoots (against me),
some expostulate, they don't like the fall,
it renders them shambolic in nature, acrimonious and all,
standing without a soul, they are standing tall alone.

The diabolically sibilant wind, scraping those that are diffident,
fall amidst those standing tall, contorted, bruised, appear so small,
they've been defeated, they have given up,
they surrender against the paroxysmal season,
standing without a soul, some still stand tall alone.

 And then the seasons change, and then the seasons change,
all that was taken away, is given back to the same,
conspicuous changes, breath of fresh air,
lively leaves, once again surround the trees,
a perennial cycle, one of nature's many conundrums,
hints us intermittently about life and lifeless stuff.

P.S. : This poem refers to the state of trees personified in the "Fall" season followed by the "Winter" season, how once lively trees are rendered leafless gradually upon the onset of fall and, by winter they just stand there naked, without leaves as if exhibiting the feelings that I've mentioned here.

Thursday, December 23, 2010


You looked just the same, after all these years,
you felt really warm, am I going sane ?
That same ruffled hairdo, that mysterious look,
that love in your eyes, I felt it all.

I was flabbergasted, was it really true,
you were there, standing right in front of me,
I felt strange, I didn't know what to say,
I'd broken our friendship, was I the one to be blamed ?

I didn't love you, but I really wanted you there,
I really wanted a friend, who supported my every affair,
and now we meet, like this, so weird,
my inner self, scraping every bit, to talk to you.

I never felt love for you, still don't feel love,but felt different,
at your mere sight, I felt warmth oozing out of me,
I felt a familiarity, a benign feeling,
after all these years, what's happening here ?

But how can it be true, I question myself,
how can I feel normal for you, all of a sudden ?
How, in a split second, I made you my own,
when I was the one, who had you disowned.

You looked at me, as if to tell me something,
but you leave without uttering a word,
I could see the pain in your eyes, which wasn't unusual,
but this time, this time something was different.

I wanted you to stay, to tell me what was wrong,
I wanted to help you, like always I wanted you to stay strong,
but there prevailed, an awkwardness amidst us,
so near we were, and yet were a distance apart.

I think a tear fell, I felt it on my cheek,
I could see the scene reeling, as if it was real,
the intensity possessed me, even in my sleep,
when I finally woke up, I realised, it was nothing but a dream...

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Listen to me

Dear Santa,

I know you give presents to kids who stay good,
you come through the chimney, and leave through the hood,
I have been sad today, you should know why,
it wasn't my fault, the day was just dry.

Starting from the morning, I reached my school late,
the teacher gave me punishment, and made me wait,
Maggie took my pencil and she didn't give me back,
Steven took my eraser, to make a tall stack.

And so I lost my pencil, my eraser and more,
I even lost my cycle, the one with a small blue door,
But more than anything, I want you to know,
that Katy put my flower, in the bin with a throw :(.

So I want you, to not give Katy anything this year,
she wants a bear, but you can give it to me this year,
I will keep it safely with me, 
till the time you teach Katy to be good.

I also want a new cycle, some stationery and a hat,
along with a dart gun and some food for the cat,
And would it be too much, if I asked you for 1 more thing,
I don't know if you can fix it, but my mommy lost her voice, and she can't sing.

So please be good, Santa, and drop these things for me,
and you can give the voice to my mommy while she is asleep,
Love you.

Written for Carry On Tuesday, Prompt # 84.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

My oldest book and it's memories :D

Friends of Books - Library that delivers and I connect with bloggers at

"Books" :D. There's something strange about these books. But there's something great about these books. Everyone says that a book is a person's best friend for the fact that it's loyal, stays with you no matter what (ofcourse unless you discard it :D) and gets you through a boring day/mood. But for me, its more, it's much much more than all of this. Books are more than just a part of my life. They're my escape to the world of fantasies, subjective understanding, infinite imagination and different realities of life and the happiness of fiction.

I was about 13 or 14 years of age when I was first introduced to Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice as an additional reader for my english final exam at the end of the year, based on which a few questions would be asked in the exam accounting for 6 marks. We were supposed to issue it from the library for a week and read it completely. Having a flair for writing and being creatively inclined from the very start (not exaggerating :D), I think Pride and Prejudice was the purrfect book a teen could ever come across.

(Jane Austen)

So I started reading the book and as I advanced with the story, my imagination galloped as well. It can be said that my love for words, imagination, weaving stories, classics ( such as Jane Austen's works, Charlotte Bronte's works, Mark Twain 's works, Arthur Conen Doyle's works, Edgar Allen Poe's works, etc) and the growing interest in the 18th and 19th century works and authors was enhanced manifold by Pride and Prejudice's (P&P) influence on me.

(Original publication of Pride and Prejudice)

P&P is a story about the romantic clash between a semi-contemporary yet practical and mildly conservative girl Elizabeth Bennet and her proud beau Mr. Darcy, and her 4 sisters (Jane, Marie, Lydia and Kitty) about how she and others find love, lose love, deal with different situations in love and how those who're meant for each other finally end up together, written as a third person by Jane Austen. The story very effectively encompasses the lives of people in the 19th century like the 1800s. It's a journey of true love starting with disgust between the protagonist Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy and ends with their marriage and a happily ever after. The story starts with Elizabeth and her wacky, cocky and flirty sisters and family and how they meet Jane's future beau Mr. Bingley, a sweet and kind person, and Eliza's Mr. Darcy, an over-confident, rude, arrogant, self-centered rich ass who considers everyone beneath him or so was the impression at first. With parallel stories running inbetween regarding Eliza's other sisters and other men, P&P is a story full of distinct emotions by way of different characters, like sarcasm, wit, love, practicality, sensibility, affection, misunderstandings, care, irritation, jealousy, evil intentions, foolishness, etc.

The best part in the story is when Mr. Darcy professes his love to Elizabeth inspite of his personal opinion of her being inferior to him, her financial status, etc which he doesnot fuhget to add in the proposal and also the fact that loving Elizabeth is against his own will and this is how it goes in the book : "in vain have I struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you." And the best character that is so impossible to understand and love and yet so adorable and charming through out the course of the story is that of Mr. Darcy's and when Eliza in the end falls in love with him as well, it's actually a very kewt unison, if only it would exist in reality :P:D.

And so somewhere amidst this story I fell in love with writing and P&P became my favourite novel (which stays even today) and Jane Austen became my favourite authoress. Amidst the fantasy world of history and love story, I had forgotten that I had to return the book within a week :(. Not well aware of where to buy it from, I made an attempt of keeping my eyes open to grab any opportunity where I could find this book. But of no avail, and as time passed by, I got more engrossed in my studies and I gradually forgot about this book until the day when I went to a book exhibition and came across it again :D. It was quite clear that I HAD to buy it and my passion for books was revived (and it was again because of this book). Since then it has become a hobby for me to collect all of Jane Austen's books and now I have all of her works :D even the ones she had written as a teenager :p.

It's been 7 years since then and I have not only read it but this amazing story has enthralled me to watch any television version and movies that are aired or made. The best television series that did justice to the book out of all the media works has been the BBC version of Pride and Prejudice made in 1995. It's a must watch for all P&P fans :D. Jennifer Ehle plays the role of Elizabeth and Colin Firth, Mr. Darcy. No one could have and has portrayed the part of Mr. Darcy better than him till date.

I can never let go off that book because it's very close to my heart. It's been almost 200 years since P&P was first published in 1813 and that very fact that this story has survived for centuries, makes me dwell more into it's enigmatic grip. Literally since childhood I've been living with this story, fancying it and always taking inspiration from it. Like the way one cannot forget first love (or so they say :p), I have these memories not just attached to the book, but to my life as well. How can one forget something that is the reason for her to fall more in love with words, literature, past eras and what not. The very fact that it was written purely based on personal experience and surroundings is what makes the book for me a very special one.

Lol and if I ever had to give this book away to someone, firstly I'd rather buy another copy and gift it to someone :P, but if it had to be the same copy, I think I will give it to whoever will be my future hubby lol :p. It'd be very cliched and yada yada if I say I find some of myself reflected in Elizabeth, but that is true if you'd know me :P and hence I'd rather give it to my Mr. Darcy than anyone else :p and have a happily ever after ;) :P.

 P.S. : All pics except for pic 3, pic 4 and pic 8 are my own, clicked for this post and contest.

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Final Destination...

This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 15; the fifteenth edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.
          This post has been 1 of the tangy tuesday picks Oct 19,2010 on blogadda :

"What?", she looked at the receiver in a way as if asking herself if some lunatic caught hold of her number.
"Helloooo-oo-ooooo...and before you hang up happp-pppyyyy birthhhhhh-dayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy mam", came quite a shrilly and garrulous voice from the other end.
"Oh Kate it's you, I'm...I'm sorry I didn't recognise you...was sort of lost in my own little old world", she said in her painful-but-trying-to-hide-it type of voice.
"That's okay mam, but would you be kind enough to open the front door... you see my hands are all into the flowers and cake and gifts and they're kinda heavy too :( and plus my cell phone is on the verge of falling down coz it's getting a bare marginal support from my ears and shoulders and y..."
"That's enough Kate, I know what you mean, the door is open, come on in."
"Oh purrfecto,wait for me".
"Where will I go from my own home Kate ?" thought the old lady.

Kate was a happy-go-lucky twenty two year old and one can say, crazy sort of, loving girl and would always put a smile on a sad face. She never knew what sadness meant or rather never did she let it affect her.

She knew Mrs. Fitzgerald when she first came to the latter to learn piano two years ago. It was actually a summer hobby and the classes were supposed to last for only three months, but the connection between the two grew so stronger since Mrs. Fitzgerald felt as if Kate was her own grandchild and vice versa, that the monthly-sessions turned into an ongoing relation.

Mrs. Fitzgerald or Missifizzy as Kate used to call her coz it rhymed with Mississippi and made sense to her, was a warm septuagenarian and had been through her share of reckless troubles and pain. She was thirty six years old when her husband got lost while returning from an army camp. Innumerous searches were made for several years but all efforts went in vain. At the same time she had to suffer the pain of losing her unborn child younger to the son she already had of six years at the time who also died in a war at the age of twenty-one later on. She never did fully recuperate after such grave losses but she never lost hope on her husband. She hoped that one day...just some day she will meet him...he will find her. An empty void had filled her heart, a deserted place but she never stopped caring about life. And to help her fill happiness in her life, she met Kate. None of them will admit, but they both loved and cared for each other like a grandmom and granddaughter would.

"Happpyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy again birthdayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy Missifizzy , so how old are you now exactly ? Oh wait, these are your options : twenty-one, twenty-one or twenty-one :P?", yelled Kate in her nonchalant warm voice.

"Wow, this is a tough one Kate, uhmm give me some time...oh wait what about ermm twenty-one ?", replied Missifizzy.

"And that is..................the correct answer've just won yourself your birthday cake and two birthday presents," and they laughed and hugged each other.

Amidst the routine ramblings and chatters, the bright morning left and a rather havoc-ridden afternoon rose up. Even though the day was going on smoothly, Mrs. Fitzgerald as always kept looking at the telephone in the hope that she would some day receive a call from her husband from somewhere.It was that hope that never allowed her to leave this place or change the phone number. Even till this day that hope was not lost. But today felt a little different. Today something was about to change. She could feel it. Amidst the new world, the empty space and the hope, she could feel something so strong as if it'll take her life.

She almost collapsed with the overpowering feeling when she heard the telephone ring. Kate got up to receive it when she was stopped by Mrs. Fitzgerald who told her that she will receive the phone call.

"Hello", she said.
"What", she froze as if she saw a ghost and held on to the receiver unable to believe her ears. Tears rolled down her eyes.
"Alston station...I have to go to Alston station" and the receiver slipped through her hands.

Alston station, thought Kate. Isn't that disused now ? I wonder why Missifizzy is going there and that too in such a bad weather?

She thought of asking Mrs. Fitzgerald what the call was about but the latter left in such a state of hurry with different facets of emotions and expressions pasted all over her face that left Kate shocked and speechless.

"I will meet him, finally I will meet him today...After thirty-four years finally I will meet him...nothing can stop me now...I will meet him"...Kate heard Mrs. Fitzgerald murmur these words to herself as she left. 

Confused and perplexed, Kate placed the receiver back when she heard another ring. She picked up the receiver and answered to the intermittent helloo helloo.
"Hie, uhm what was that all about ? What did you tell Missifizzy that she left in such a hurry ?", Kate asked with arrogance.
"Missifizzy ? Anyways, I have no clue what's going on there but I'm calling from the Lost-and-found Department of Cumberland and it's regarding Mr. Fitzgerald who was never found on the last train to Alston station on the day that he was to arrive in 1976. He has been found there at the station. And before I could complete, she hung up," replied the caller.
"What, so is Mr. F alive ?", blurted out Kate with hope.
"No mam, rather his body has been found along with a few belongings on the skeleton that were identified as Mr. Fitzgerald's. So I wanted to know if Mrs. Fitzgerald would come down tomorrow morning at 10 am to claim the bones and belongings. Hello. Hello ?"
"Yes. Yes I'm listening," said Kate barely enough to be heard. She now knew where Missifizzy went. She got it all wrong. Kate got scared...She knew what succeeded now. She would not be able to see Missifizzy's state once she gets to know the truth.
"So can I confirm it with her, will she be there ?" said the person.
"Yeah...uhm...yeah can confirm it yeah...We'll be there," and Kate hung up.

Almost instantaneously Kate left for Alston station. A million worries were racing through her mind, a million concerns. Oh god please, please don't let Missifizzy reach before I do, please god she won't be able to handle it. All this hope and no one to receive it when it's crushed...oh please no, god please give Missifizzy strength...please...

It was 3 o'clock in the afternoon but the sad weather made it look like it was evening...a really emotional evening. Kate was a little farther when she saw a cab leave Mrs. Fitzgerald at the station. Driving fast, it still took her some time before she could reach the station.

She stopped her car and rushed out of it to follow Mrs. Fitzgerald. Palpitating and out of breath, she reached the platform and saw Missifizzy seated on one of the benches, her back to Kate. Not having thought about how to break the real news to her, she advanced towards Missifizzy and started telling her,
"I'm so sorry Missifizzy," she got emotional.
"What, what is it Kate ? Well whatever it is, I'm so sorry I had to leave you alone and I just left in such a haste. But I'm sure once you know the reason you will forgive me," she replied with an excited smile and nervousness, all for her husband.
"He's alive, he's here, somewhere here, that mister told me on the phone. And as it was a pact with Arnold, I had told him that I will be seated here on this very bench to receive him whenever he goes to fight a war and returns here, on this very station," she whispered shyly.

Kate was hating herself for being the bearer of the news that would kill her Missifizzy's hope. The same hope that kept Missifizzy alive and to move on. But she had to know the truth.

"He's not alive Missifizzy, he's not...they found his skeleton with his belongings here somewhere."

"What...uh what are you saying my child, oh well how would you know. Well let me tell you, that mister on phone, he told me that they had found Arnold here, yeah," she said with a voice that now was second guessing herself and the pain was trying to take over her  happiness.

Kate nodded and told her what the caller actually meant. 

"I'm so sorry Mrs. F, I really am...," she trailed off and hugged Mrs. Fitzgerland tightly. She almost froze when she realised how cold Mrs. F was.

"You're so cold," she said while holding Mrs. F back only to see her fall lifelessly on her lap. 

" no no no no...this can't be...ple...please please tell me your no no...," she tried waking her up but of no use...

So Mrs. Fitzgerald finally did meet him...Arnold...back in heaven...their pact is sealed after all...He did come to receive her at the same place he was to come back in 1976... He knew it was her last day on earth... She knew where her end should take place... 
Well with all this, atleast she proved that true love not only knows where and how you live and should live, but it also knows how and where you should die...together for life and for death...

The fellow Blog-a-Tonics who took part in this Blog-a-Ton and links to their respective posts can be checked here. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

The absolute tyranny...

Living in a dream, I'm living alone,
giving up on things, not only on people galore,
Life has moved on, from where it used to be,
it doesn't care a dime if I'm standing alone.

In this perennial walk, I walk on and on,
void of sanity, absence feels benign,
colour losing its colour, an entrapment follows,
searching for the meaning, left with no reason to wallow.

Temporary a phase is, is what everyone says,
temporary a phase is, is what I used to portray,
who defines how long temporary is ?
even a decade of pain qualifies for it.

Someone stopped looking for something important,
someone stopped rejoicing at the scent of flowers,
patience is not always good, it gets the better of you,
waiting is insipid, it punches you blatantly eliminating every hue.

Alone and yet don't feel lonely,
happiness is a state of mind, and so is fear,
fool the brain, and I no longer will have to veer,
but fooling myself, won't that be a life of a stranger ?

Closed fists dont lead me anywhere, I need to open them,
to set free all that I'm holding on to,
to walk ahead, not just in words but in reality too,
to resurrect myself, the only one I've not given up on.

Can't fathom if the narcissist in me is away, lingering still,
or just clandestinely abandoned,
but the battle is on, I wont refute,
I won't go down like this, I will not salute (to this).

One day I will see the light,
at the end of the tunnel, I will see a yummy life,
where life and I will go hand in hand,
no more arguments, no more feuds, together we will stand.

Some day I will write my story again,
void of the past mistakes, a fresh new start awaits,
one day the absolute tyranny will be caused to fail...!!!

Friday, August 6, 2010


This post has been 1 of the Spicy Saturday Picks August 14, 2010 on Blogadda :

This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 13; the thirteenth edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

Minutes away from the train,
everything's decided, our destiny awaits,
all is happy, all is pre-planned,
and yet I have to tell you, tell you before it's too late.

We've been together since I can remember,
you've been there for me always and forever,
but something is tarnished, we both know,
the times that we had, aren't the same any more.

You look at me, hoping to say something,
I smile at you, gathering courage to talk,
words are left unspoken, feelings are left untouched,
trust is misunderstood, we are left unwritten.

We look away from each other, doubting ourselves,
this is what we wanted, from so long,
and yet when it's here, why don't I want it any more ?
Why can't I even tell you that ?

Thinking to myself, we reach the station,
Not much time left, I need to tell you this,
"Do you want this?", I asked you,
"You don't want this ?", you replied.

"I don't love you any more",
I looked into his eyes and found remorse,
"Did I do something wrong ?,
We can get through it and stay strong..."

"This is the end, I can't do this any more,
I can't love you the same way, I need to move on"
You heard me say all this, you heard me right,
I know it's hard, but you need to let go.

"All this while you wanted to say this,
why now ? why just seconds away from it ?",
he looked at me, as if he could look,
right through my soul, the soul that hurt him.

"I couldn't see you fall apart, not in front of me, I'm sorry,
the love is gone, but the care is still there,
the feelings are erased, but the memories will remain,
your girlfriend is leaving, but your friend is not."

"I don't need your sympathy, your apology,
you made your decision, I have made mine,
this is the end, the one you wanted,
end of our love, end of our trust"

You made it clear, your face froze,
I know you are hurt, but this is best for us,
living with me, there would be no love,
living without me, someone would love you,
one day, some day, you will be loved.

I gazed at you, I hugged you,
I kissed you, I wished you the best,
you didn't reply, you boarded the train,
I waved you my love, the love of a friend...

The train commenced, you turned at the door,
tears left your eyes, you yelled my name,
I ran to you, our fingers touching each other's,
you said you will love me, and remember me always,
you said you will miss me, and the way we both swayed,
melting the ice, landing into future so bright,
we smiled and cried and bid each other goodbuhbye...

The fellow Blog-a-Tonics who took part in this Blog-a-Ton and links to their respective posts can be checked here. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Do all relationships come with the past ? Soch Lo!

PAST...!!! What is this past ?
Why do we hold on to our past ?
What is with this past and us that we make our lives and break our lives depending on our past, with our past, learning from our past. No matter what you do, your past will always be a part of you and it only depends on whether you want to smile at your past or run away from your past.

ALMOST every relationship comes with the past...It is the past...Your present becomes your past one day, your future will become your past some day... Most of the people run away from it, even in a relationship.

So what if a girl was engaged to someone else before getting married to someone else ? So what if a boy was in love with another girl before committing to someone else ? So what if a girl has had previous relationships ? SO WHAT ? Why does anyone who is currently in a relationship worried about the girl or boy's past ?
Isn't it quite clear that those relations died their own slow death and hence they are a part of the past and not the present ? Isn't it enough that you are in his/her life at the moment ? Or is it that you are afraid that you will become a part of his/her past ? How can one not have a past ? With oodles of love flowing everywhere, its quite natural for two people to fall in love and like the trend of break-up is dancing everywhere, it's even more natural for a person to break up atleast 2-3 times with 2-3 people before he/she/it finds a stable partner and even more stability in their own life and mentality.

It's not a big deal to have a past because your life is who you are and you are what your life is and your PAST is one of the most important chapters of your life that is perpetual till your death and you should love it, and it's not even a big deal to accept someone else's past whole-heartedly (well only if that person has even an ounce of sanity and sensibility :P) but most of the people make a big deal out of this whole past-thingy.

For crying out loud, you yourself have a story of your own, a tale to hide, a tale to tell. Things and people from your past might or might not drop-by in your present. If your relationships were sour, end them and move on. But don't expect them to never bother you again in future.

Do all relationships come with the past ? Yes they do. And that is more or less like a universal fact. Those who deny this, are just fooling themselves with blind notions and arguments. And it's not bad to have a past. It just goes to prove that your life, your past hasn't gone unnoticed, you have made something of it.

You break up because you're not in love anymore, you break up because you cannot tolerate that person anymore, you break up because of physical and mental torture, you break up because of possessiveness, you break up because of family, you break up because of bad health problems, you break up...because of n no. of what ? Should you not let your current beau or your husband/wife know about your past ? Well most of the people say or rather state it as a "rule" to not let your "future" know about your "past" ? But why ? Your past is nothing to be ashamed of ? And there is no reason to hide it either. It's a part of you and it should be gracefully accepted by others.

But who would understand that ? We are all often clouded by our ego and immaturity and lack of sensibility to see and comprehend the visible and evident truth. Very few of us actually accept our partner with their past and when that past haunts the present, all those who are a party to this, lose track of what is right and what is not and what is their role and what they should do ?
The most complicated thing in life is to lead a simple life and we just blow out of proportion some petty things that don't require so much attention that it starts ruining our lives :P.

All relationships come with the past, present and future and living that tenure and experiencing different facets of emotions is what you should be glad about...!!!

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Always a misfit, always an alien...

Fragrance has lost its scent,
enemies lie everywhere without sense,
every face is a mask unread,
every battle requires courage, not dread,
life has lost its meaning,
there's no more pleasure to sing,
soul is drying up, it really is,
beauty is diminishing, eliminating bliss,
happiness is fading, flowers are withering,
sorrows are dancing, thorns are pricking,
world has changed, why cant anyone see ?
everyone is a stranger now, even a humble bee,
paths are lost, feelings are frozen,
change yourself into others, or you cannot perish,
I stand alone, I refuse to turn into one of them,
what I don't understand, I will not perform,
always a misfit, always an alien I say ;)...!!!

Monday, July 19, 2010

Beginning of a new end...

I need to start, I need to fight,
maybe all I want to do is write,
I need to cross this pool of shallow,
in search of something that I can wallow.

If random thoughts are brought to life,
why do we still suffer the fright,
if all I do is sink in morbid vacuum,
escaping from it requires more than re-routing.

Building aimlessly castles in sand,
searching for something, searching for a hand,
no where to go, don't remember where I came from,
no where to look, its just blurry like a thunderstorm.

I wonder if I were any different than this,
would then my confusion be any simpler ?
Would then I'd have a future, a plan ?
Would then I'd have something to call my own ?

But that which is not me, is not my own,
that which is anything but me, I better suffer than call it my own,
I would've choked, if I were any different,
I would've been common, if I were to change.

And yet I change, and yet I don't change,
and yet I've lost that which was in me,
and yet I try to redeem myself,
but there is no starting, and there is no end.

I'll walk and walk, till I can walk no more,
I'll talk and talk, till I can talk no more,
I will think and think, till I can figure it out no more,
I will live and live, till I can live no more

Friday, June 18, 2010

Died in your arms tonight...

"Do you think...I will die peacefully...or...I have no choice?",
she said in a lost and meek yet feverishly warm voice,
while cuddled into him, battling her final days,
her eyes were closed, but tears had found their way.

"Shhhh", he pressed his finger against her warm mouth,
she frowned and smiled and pouted without a doubt,
he raised her head, and tried to wake her up gently,
wanting to spend her last few days with him, he watched her intently.

All efforts in vain, she had lost her strength,
she lay there in his arms in a white bathrobe, counting her life's length,
she hugged him tightly as if he would leave her and go,
until a tear touched her pale cheek, she looked at him and glowed.

It was a perfect moment, but imperfection had set in,
she coughed like a baby, and oozed out blood till her chin,
he got scared, he thought that was the final moment,
fear of losing her blinded him, he froze, that poor gent.

He rushed for the towels, and wiped her face clean,
she couldn't help but notice, that he had turned so lean,
she felt bad, guilty and ugly, what her prolonged health made him do,
she hoped for the process to fasten, for her to bid him adieu.

He threw the towels away, and sat next to her,
she clinged onto him cozily until everything started to blur,
her warmth shriveled, all she wanted now was a deep slumber,
her agony was melancholically visible, she couldn't any more encumber.

He brought his lips closer, and kissed her for the last time,
she can now die happily, she thought, she gave him a warm smile,
she raised her shivering palm, and touched his face,
to remind herself once again, of his warm embrace.

She lay there in his arms, breathing with difficulty,
colour leaving the scene, being filled with lividity,
he played their favourite song, the one that was so special,
she started humming it bleakly, too good for it to be real.

She knew it was time, she was losing her soul,
she couldn't determine any longer, who was real and who was a ghoul,
she tried to speak for the last time, but she couldn't any more,
she battled however, and uttered "te quiero mi amor".

He smiled and cried and cried like a baby,
she was finally leaving him, everything turned hazy,
he hugged her tightly, he kissed her well,
she left the world, she might have by now reached heaven, not hell.

He lay there with her lifeless body in his arms,
nothing could weaken him more, nothing could harm,
to remember her is one thing, to forget her is another,
to move on without her is one thing, to live with her memories is another.

Monday, June 14, 2010

Our incessant love...

Lying faithfully on the carefree beach,
in your comfortable arms, in your warm reach,
reminiscing the times, the so-called past,
I never imagined we would reach this far, so fast.

The scintillating sun is gazing down at us,
with amuzement and jealousy and questions and confusion,
it wonders and wonders how did we survive,
how is our bond so strong, was it to be revived ?

The smooth sand touches our body and soul,
it makes us slide into each other as smoothly as kohl,
the cool breeze cheerfully plays with our faces and hair,
sometimes tingling the ears, sometimes the nose with flair.

I giggle at the tickles, and cuddle into your arms,
as gleefully as a happy pup, that causes some alarms,
you enjoy my plight, and love to see my antics,
especially those that get me to you, to your hugs, kisses, so romantic.

You laugh like an innocent little baby, at everything I do,
sometimes I dont understand, if I do things only to see my laughing boo,
we are inseperable, I wonder if it's the glue :p,
or the love, or the friendship, or your name's tattoo :p.

You smile, I smile, you dance, I dance, I'm happy, you're happy,
You cry, I laugh :P, I laugh, you love, I'm snappy, you're totally crappy :p,
your wit matches my nonsense, a requirement for long lasting happiness,
what would we be without each other, it's difficult to comprehend.

We have created enough love for the two of  us,
without any arguments about it, without any fuss,
we'll continue living this way, I'll tease you and you love me,
as deep as the sea, but without fatal drowning :p.

The journey is long, we will get pretty old one day,
a lil ugly, totally void of teeth :p, a lil bald :(, but what the hey,
we will still love each other as our visions will be poor :p,
the physical appearance wont matter then, not even our empty stammers.

We might go deaf, we might limp and shiver,
half of our organs will stop functioning, even the poor liver :-s,
but our humour will support us right till the end,
even though we'll be a misfit in the fashionable trend :p.

But that is the future, it's too far away,
when we have each other, let's rejoice and bray :P,
for we can entertain each other, like we always do,
sometimes like animals and humans, sometimes like cupids and devils boos' :p.

Monday, June 7, 2010

A lil girl so lost...

This poem is inspired by a true story.

That twinkle in her eyes, that deep mesmerising smile,
those rosy thin cheeks, that left no one hostile,
that small little nose, those mis-shapen teeth,
that bob cut hairstyle, forming a neat sheath.

She seemed a little tired, while playing catch and cook,
but she didn't give up, she kept herself hooked,
smiling all the way, little did she know,
her life was rented, she would be gone before fell the snow.

Meek she was turning, life was being sucked out,
day by day, a pretty girl's hopes were being knocked down,
barely had she seen the world for 3 petty years,
but all god gifted her was some cruel tears.

Hardly three years old, in this dark beautiful world,
she had just started learning and waiting for things to unfurl,
at the stage of trying to shape words, into sentences to converse,
how could she understand, that it's cancer she's immersed(in).

She just knew, she cannot run, she cannot eat, she cannot play,
how would she know, what is dying and what is heaven's way ?
She was too young to understand the gross complications,
all she could see around her, was tears in the eyes of god's creations.

"Mama, why can't I run like others ?", she asked,
her mother felt weak to answer her with her pain masked,
she glided her hand through her daughter's hair, and said,
"coz you are not like others, you are special and ahead".

"Mama, why can't I look pretty like others ?", she enquired,
"coz you are god's baby, you look better in your special attires".
"Mama, I don't have strength, to do anything, why is that ?",
"coz god wants you to rest first, and then chase the cat".

"Mama, am I ill ?", she questioned gazing into the sky,
"no, my sweetheart, you are purr-fect," she hugged her tightly trying to deny,
silence filled the air, sobs were held back,
prayers to be heeded, courage needed to be stacked.

The girl was unaware, that she was going to die,
she was confused, why was everyone so shy,
even though she was a child, she could sense something different,
if she could term it, she would've said that everyone was acting nonchalant.

Days passed into months, and months' agony it was,
for the moment of truth was here, she was hospitalised alas,
the courage that was stacked, was now required the most,
for the child was leaving the world coz of the cancer diagnosed.

Those last few minutes, watching their little girl on the bed,
with hands in needles and syringes and oxygen mask on her face so red,
breathing her last moments in, she didnt know what was happening,
she kept waiting and waiting for the season to spring.

No one told her, she will have to go through pain,
all she knew was snow, candies, teddies and rain,
she was dying, she didn't even know what that meant,
she didn't even know what happens when you die, where people went.

Her last thought was that she's just ill, she will come back,
all healthy and pink, from the hospital post-attack,
how could anyone explain her, that it was the end,
no matter what anyone said now, she couldnot apprehend.

With lifeless body, coughing and blood oozing out from it,
she was bidding everyone goodbuhbye, her role was finished,
the reality was fading, darkness was peeping in front of her eyes,
her breath was leaving her, her soul leaving her smile.

She wanted to fight, but she didn't know what that meant,
she wanted her mother, her father and friends,
she wanted to hug her mother, she wanted her jelly beans,
she wanted her licorice, she wanted her mothers' mexican beans.

All was going farther away from her,
she wanted to grab it, but all she could see was a blur,
she gave up, she lost her life,
cancer eventually won in this gross strife.

I wonder sometimes, what exactly the girl had felt,
did she know what was going on, or was she just misled ?
At the age when you don't know a thing, and you don't understand,
I wonder what was going on in her mind, as she headed towards her life's end.

P.S. : the pics are for representational purpose only.