Monday, May 31, 2010


This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 11; the eleventh edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

Hidden are her dreams, hidden is her soul,
losing her last inch of sanity, she's locked up in a gaol,
seated in her cell,dressed in white clothes with blue stripes,
she stares at the blank wall ahead, shedding tears, but no one to wipe.

Frozen with pain and no one by her side,
not even the person who made her his bride,
never did she think, life would take such a turn,
never did she realise, that she will have to burn.

She looked at the window, with a long lost hope,
gazing at the faint moonlight, asking for strength to cope,
she knew there was no living tomorrow for her,
she chose this path for herself, madness was her neighbour.

Away from her kids, her family, her once blossoming life,
she sat there alone, replaying the day she held "that" knife,
shocked to see a corpse lying there in her house,
she couldn't speak a word, not even to her spouse.

She sat beside that body, unable to think clearly,
unable to swallow the thought, that who killed him was not just some lady,
she could see the hysterical killer rejoicing in her own eyes,
laughing at the achievement of killing such a devil in disguise.

She let out a shriek, to mark her glorious victory,
she got what she wanted, for her all was now history,
she still lay next to the dead, even as the sirens drew nearer,
she knew what awaited her next, she looked at the killer in the mirror.

She came back to reality, she realised what she did,
regret could no longer help her, she had morally skid,
the past could not be changed, the dead could not be resurrected,
with a faint evil look, she proved to be mentally affected.

She got up limply and started swinging her knife,
dancing to her talent, she led out a wicked smile,
elusive in nature, she went back to the lad,
she started stabbing him again, and again and again.

She stabbed him till she could stab him no more,
his chest out in the open, she surely made him look gross,
and then she sniggered, and then she yelled,
and then she fainted, lifelessly like a shell.

And when she got up, she was no more at home,
evidences were enough, to prove that she played the killer's role,
chained in shackles, surrounded by strangers,
she fluttered in her bed, like an animal endangered.

7 years since then, she learned to live in isolation,
sometimes vexing, sometimes fighting her own frustration,
7 years' journey, summed up in 7 minutes,
all she remembers now is some random silhouettes.

In some hours now, nothing else is going to matter,
a retard will be hanged, and everything will shatter,
who was the victim, why did she kill him ?
How did she lose her sanity, what was so grim ?

Why hasn't she told, anyone ever about the murder,
what could be the reason, that makes this case even more weirder,
what made her put her whole life at stake,
where she went insane, where she lost her fate.

She's the only one with all the answers in her heart,
but she will never utter a word, even if you rip her apart,
with her sanity back, she has rendered herself grief-stricken,
none shall know her motives now, her reasons will go with her to her death, hidden.

The fellow Blog-a-Tonics who took part in this Blog-a-Ton and links to their respective posts can be checked here. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

Saturday, May 29, 2010

A picture is worth a thousand words :D

Blogadda in partnership with Pring00 has come up with yet another new contest : Travel Photos.

This is my post for the same :

State : California
Location : 17 mile drive, San Francisco

The following picture is known as "The Lone Cypress". It is one of the 21 stand-points on the entire 17 mile stretch on Pebbles Beach. This point is known as the Lone Cypress point for the obvious reason visible in the picture : the only Cypress tree standing in the entire point area. Apart from the freakomaniacly awesome drive here and the various bits of nature that one gets to experience here, this point especially interested me. A tree standing alone, but standing tall on a rock against the watery background. Nature gives us lessons of life not only by destruction and beautification, but also by just standing there, by just staying there, like this tree. It's a simple picture and yet it portrays and depicts a certain personality, a certain character of humans. The tree is alone and yet not lonely ;)...!!!

State : Nevada
Location : Outside Bellagio casino, Las Vegas

On my trip to Vegas and the different themed casino, one the most magical things to capture is the water show taking place every evening outside the Bellagio casino. A trip to Vegas is incomplete without capturing this Water show. Themed with B-E-A-U-Tiful music, rhythm, lights and different water shower patterns, the whole show is unbelievable. Where else can you find "dancing waters" :D? A 15 minute show makes you fuhget where you are and takes you to another entirely different place called "the water kingdom" :p.

State : California 
Location : Golden Gate Bridge, San Francisco

You come to SFO and you don't visit the GG Bridge :O. Omg, that's just plain foolish :P. Highlighting innumerable movies and tv shows and what not with its splendid and marvellous presence, this huge red coloured bridge is one helluva creation. It was chilly and foggy when I went there and I would say that that is the IDEAL weather to visit this bridge to top up ur naturally occuring goosebumbs with sheer heavenly feeling.
It is one of the rare things in the world that words cannot describe and for which physical presence is A MUST to experience this marvellous beauty bridge.

Union Territory : Daman, India
Location : Jhampore beach, Nani Daman

My recent visit to Daman proved more than relaxing. Of all the pictures I clicked there, I absolutely love this one. Captured at Jhampore beach on a mesmerising evening, the capture has everything right from a tired sun peeking out from amidst the ferocious clouds and lending the entire evening its last streak of sunlight, to the reflection in the water to the copper metallic golden sand to the various human life present in the picture from a kid to a teen to a grown up.

State : California
Location : 17 mile drive, SFO

On one the stand-point on the 17-mile drive in SFO, there was a small beach with amazing wind, whitish sand and serene water. As I was walking towards the water, I noticed this random formation made by various pebbles and stones. I could not help but click a quick picture of the following :D. Again, it's a simple picture but the boldness of the stones gives it some mysteriously chunky look :D. I quite loveeee this piccy :D.

Click on the following image to view it and many other customised products on
A tatoo of a butterfly with dragons on  its wings

Sunset Flames
A tatoo of a butterfly with dragons on  its wings

Friday, May 28, 2010

Jungle jingle :D

My 3rd painting :D completed in March, 2010 :p. Made from a painting's picture :D:P:D.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Our last kiss...

We stand here, in the melancholy cobbled street,
in each other's embrace, witnessing our hearts' beats,
the night is gloomy and so shall our lives be,
sealed with our last kiss, this is the final goodbye we need to see.

We cried together, we laughed, we shared,
all those feelings, all those moments, how we cared,
we were like two souls wrapped in one,
never knew that our lives in the end were to be shunned.

We could not fathom this rueful decision,
where our separation had become someone else's mission,
but in the end we had to succumb,
we turned ourselves in, to the emotions so numb.

"So this is it", he said with a painful smile,
"looks like it", I smiled feeling riled,
a mournful tear rolled down my cheek,
he kissed it softly, lending it a part of his mystique.

We cried, we smiled, a little caught up between both,
he hugged me tightly, finding difficult to let go,
he looked into my eyes, and he could see through,
right into my soul, as if imploring me to stay glued.

We looked away, still hugging tightly,
wishing that this nightmare wouldn't be so ghastly,
his warm embrace is the only place for my love,
and my gentle heart is his ego's only shelter and glove.

We stood there deserted, as time was passing by,
we wanted the night to freeze, to always stay this tied,
but this wasn't a fairy tale, we had to wake up soon,
to face the reality, to try and take our destiny as a boon.

We looked at each other, wrapped up in love as if possessed,
he raised his soft hands and started to caress,
for a moment we forgot all about the decision,
he handled me with care and with meticulous precision.

Our lips finally found their way to each other,
they glided into each other, as smooth as butter,
just like the old times, but this last kiss was special,
for there will be no more now, and so our lips congealed.

My hands in his soft hair, that familiar cologne,
our bodies were uniting, heart to heart, bone by bone,
life was flowing through our otherwise clogged veins,
we could feel the power of our love inspite of our refrains.

Our feelings took over, our kiss was ever-passionate,
inspite of the pain in our hearts, the love sparkled on our face,
we went on kissing each other, like there was no tomorrow,
atleast for us there wasn't, not together, only sorrow.

But we had to stop, to let go off each other,
to stay apart, with our love alive in our hearts to flutter,
with the strongest willpower, our lips mournfully parted,
like a magnet repelling, only this was darted.

One last kiss marked the end of our future,
all the efforts were in vain, that were carefully nurtured,
even though we can't, for now, be together,
but in this world, everything changes like seasons and weather.

Hope can drive a person crazy, but it won't drive us,
for it will be the hope to see each other again, that'll be more than a plus,
we might not live in each other's lives anymore,
but we are living in each other's hearts evermore.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010


My 2nd painting :D. Made in 2009 from a photo. It's called "splash" and its a twisting wave :D.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

My 1st painting.

My 1st ever canvas painting :D. Made in 2008. Made from a picture :D.
They are the famous Macaws :D.

Saturday, May 22, 2010

My first friendship...

We were best friends, since we were born,
we did so many things together, like two jewels adorned,
we went to the same school, we played together,
I never realised when our friendship was badly tethered.

You were the only best friend I then had,
we had fun everytime, nothing was bad,
but you always took me as a competition,
and I thought that is never a best friend's mission.

My definition for friendship was completely different,
especially when it was so close and visibly present,
but I was naive, to see through you,
I could never see that you were disgustingly shrewd.

When did this jealousy set in in your heart,
or was it that you despised me right from the start,
I treated you always, just like a best friend,
you had ulterior motives always to comprehend.

We were in 3rd std, when we went swimming from school,
you left me alone in shallow and went in the deep side of the pool,
As far as I remember, that was the first time,
when I felt ugly and started realising your grime.

You always wanted to get more marks than me in exams,
sometimes you succeeded, sometimes you just couldn't stand,
but I never hoped for a friendship like this,
that makes me go sour everytime I reminisce.

Gradually I was realising your hatred for me,
you were an enemy in disguise, a disloyal bee,
we were kids, only 11-12 years old,
at that age, I knew the meaning of only candies and gold.

Time passed by, your true colours revealed,
all this while you had them purr-fectly concealed,
if you disliked me so much, why did you keep the friendship,
I never forced you for anything, not even a blip.

We reached the 5th grade and we were in the same division,
now I had had enough of you, I wanted a collision,
we were both in-charge of arranging the sick-notes,
one day you complained falsely to the teacher and then you maliciously gloat.

I realised your intentions, I stopped interacting with you,
the so-called friendship was meaningless, it was time to bid adieu,
The crack in the friendship had already been formed,
I just went ahead and finished it before it got stormed.

And that was the end, of my life's first friendship,
didn't know then, that there follows a series of such blips,
Of all the friendships I've had till date,
this one was the only one that was fake like plastic flowers and left to abate.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

A moment's joy or a moment's pain ?

I watch her everyday from across the street,
she's as radiant as the morning glory as she is sweet,
with that chirpy smile, deep dimples and blue eyes,
she renders dumb even those people who are wise.

I sit outside a cafe for my morning coffee,
she sits outside a cafe across the street, whoopee :D,
I look at her and get mesmerised,
with her beauty, even the angels can't comply.

With a coffee in one hand and bagel in another,
I watch her as she reads the newspaper further,
she often spills the hot coffee on the newspaper,
sometimes I wonder if all this is just a caper.

She smiles, she winks, she frowns, she giggles,
all her expressions make my otherwise static heart jiggle,
her innocence matches with that of the kids,
one look at her, and off my feet I skid.

With her long auburn hair flying away,
it forces me to act in a manner so cliched,
it's a habit now to watch her everyday,
I wonder if she ever noticed me any day.

Unable to wait any longer, I made-up my mind,
to go talk to her and let the feelings unwind,
I was just gathering my courage, with the butterflies tickling,
my legs gave way, I wish I had some wings.

My excitement was obnoxiously visible,
she smilingly looked at me, I thought all this while I was invisible,
I sat on my seat, frozen with shocked happiness,
I tried to act normal, but my feelings I couldn't suppress.

She got up and was heading my way,
I was jumping with joy, thinking she just made my day,
with those slender legs, her walk was gentle,
I don't care if her presence in my life proves detrimental :D.

She started crossing the street keeping an eye contact with me,
Somebody pinch me :O, is this really happening to me ?
With that exuberant smile, which I know was for me,
my life had suddenly transformed into the one filled with glee.

Suddenly I heard an unpleasant traction,
in front of my eyes, everything was lost in a moment's fraction,
the girl that was so lively a moment ago,
lay there lifeless and drenched in blood and woe.

I ran to her, my heart ridiculously pounding,
I was rendered speechless with my mind confounding,
I took her in my arms, I couldn't believe what just happened,
the girl I was in love with, died in an instance's offense.

I felt happiness and sadness, both in one moment,
I could do nothing else but only lament,
it still feels like a haunting nightmare,
how could she die, I cannot bear.

She died without uttering a single word,
it pains in my heart as if pierced with a sword,
I wanted to tell her, what I felt about her since so long,
I couldn't even know what she sounded like when she spoke or sang song.

I couldn't decide whether I should be happy,
for the moment I realised she likes me and finds me snappy,
or mourn over the fact that I lost someone special,
even before I could make her mine, this is so unreal.

I can never know now, what she felt about me,
and she died without knowing my feelings for her exactly,
so much is left unanswered, I feel like an outcast,
it'll take some time, before I can learn to live with the past.

Monday, May 17, 2010

A bride's confession

This post has been 1 of the tangy tuesday picks June 8,2010 on blogadda :

I find myself seated in front of the mirror,
being decorated with jewellery and lots of shimmer,
everyone looks happy, everyone's excited,
no one pauses to check, if i feel like a rose blighted.

This red dress contrasted with golden lines,
as I advance further dressing, my confidence resigns,
they're making me wear bangles and rings,
but can they make me wear happiness that springs ?

I feel cold, I feel sad,
I am confused, I am scared,
I have wondered incessantly a zillion times,
is this the right man with whom I should be entwined ?

With those questioning eyes, I look in the mirror,
I still get no answer, I just sit there feeling queer,
Something happened, I come back to reality,
my eyes filled with tears, I see mom standing quietly.

As she places a bindi on my forehead,
she looks calm and composed, ready to see me wed,
I am adorned with jewellery, make-up and blessings too,
ready to face the moment everyone's acquiescing to.

As I get up, I realise the moment's getting nearer,
I look at myself for one last time in the mirror,
the tension, the nervousness, the stroke of fear,
is all visible on my face, but I try to veer.

I walk out of my room and take my first step towards the "mandap",
everyone's centre of attraction, I get a little caught-up,
made with scentful flowers, I hold the garland in my hand,
scanning everyone's expressions, my fear did expand.

I walk towards him with hesitating steps,
I wonder if he loves me more than his morning crepes,
I look at him, my eyes question him,
Will you be there for me more than my limbs ?

Can I trust you, am I making the right decision ?
Will there be more love between us than our intermittent collisions ?
We haven't fallen in love quite yet,
but promise me our bond will strengthen with our tete-a-tetes.

Am I secure with you ? I want to know,
coz after this matrimony, you will be my only beau,
I have apprehensions like every other bride,
but all I want is to walk with you alongside.

I don't want this relationship to fail like others',
I want it to bloom, to grow and not get smothered,
do you think the same way as me ?
Will our connection be as deep as the sea ?

It looked as if I took forever to ask him all this,
but in reality, it was all summed up in a moment and not dismissed,
He looked at me with contemplating eyes,
he smiled at me exuding positive vibes.

With that perfect expression, he blinked his eyes,
conveying to me the message, "we our together, till we die",
he raised his palm and placed it on his heart,
he then signified in sign language, "we will never be apart".

All my worries, all my questions, all my apprehensions,
were shoo'ed away by him in a moment's fraction,
his pleasing answer assured me that he is indeed the one,
I couldn't be more happier to know that I scored a homerun.

My worries diminished rapidly from my face,
instead, an illuminating smile replaced that trace,
my trust was won, my life was in safe hands,
no matter what the obstacle, I know we will withstand.

I advance further, towards my smiling groom,
to enter the holy unison and forever with him bloom,
I am more than happy and equally excited,
my lost hope and trust have been royally reinvited.

We exchanged our garlands, our smiles and hope,
we sat down to get married and looked forward to it's scope,
we giggled, we laughed, we joked all the time,
and inadvertently we became each other's pride.

It's been 15 years since then, we are still one united soul,
still that chirpy young couple on whom marriage didn't take a toll,
we have two loving kids, both a sweet pain in the bum,
one resembles their father, the other resembles their mum :P.

Friday, May 14, 2010

A fool's hope

I looked at you, you looked away,
I waited for you, you walked astray,
I spoke to you, but you betrayed,
when I left you, you looked my way in dismay.

I looked at you, you looked away,
our time was young, you wanted to array,
your eyes were mesmerising, your ways were swift,
influenced by the world, you went adrift.

We were best friends, I knew you very well,
but in this harsh time, our friendship did swell,
you never understood me, you never will,
all you cared about was your own goodwill.

I waited for you, you walked astray,
not once did you look back, our friendship got frayed,
you got busy in life, you had no time for me,
you made me feel like I was nothing but a stinging bee.

I missed our ways, I missed our times,
I missed your talks, I missed your eyes,
I missed you more than words could say,
So I decided to call you up today.

I spoke to you, but you betrayed,
you reciprocated harshly, in a way that was conveyed,
you tarnished my expectations, you made me feel pain,
I hope you are happy, why not celebrate with some champagne ?

I replayed the past in my mind,
I can't fathom what drove you so blind,
I thought it was a temporary phase, it would get over soon,
instead, the materialistic world formed the core of your cocoon.

I thought it was over, everything between us,
I didn't question you further, I didn't want any fuss,
it was time to exit, it was time for the end,
nothing could change it now, it was to impend.

When I left you, you looked my way in dismay,
where was this feeling, when you went astray ?
I wished, I prayed, I pleaded for things to be right,
but not at this last moment, not atleast tonight.

I don't know you any more, I can't stay back,
you've made this far without me, you know your track,
I wish you success, I wish you love and luck,
I wish you a new life, filled with a lot more happiness than just bucks.

My wishes are yours, they always were,
the only thing I want from you, something I adjure,
is to be remembered smilingly, atleast in life,
for the bond that once was strong, not for our egoistic strifes.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Moonlight vs Shadows

It's dark, it's black, it forms a backdrop,
it's white, it's round, it peeps out non-stop.

It's chilly, it's windy, it's an animated scene,
it's silly, it's friendly, it's full of sheen.

It's the lively night I'm talking about,
it's the moon, the night's incomplete without.

The orange, the blue, the green hue I can see,
all clinging on to the moon, like a baby chimp to its 'mumma' chimpanzee.

Grey fluffs of cloud drifting across the sky,
not only on land, but nature's wonder's vibrant up so high.

The moon tries to peep, from the clouds so deep,
but the clouds aren't in a hurry, they wont let the moon cheat.

The quarrel has begun, the intention has been laid out,
there can be only one winner, either the moon or the clouds.

The struggle is intense, the clouds have amassed,
"Tell me now, Mr. Moon, how will you surpass ?"

The moon smiled patiently, he replied with a style,
"It's me the world is crazy about, not you Mr. Hostile"

"Infants smile at me, kids weave stories about me,
teens wish they were astronauts, the adults complete that dream"

"Lovers kiss beneath my blessing, my sacred milky light,
Oldies are glad they made their past and present so bright"

"When people need someone to talk to, it's me they look up to,
they share their love, their lives, they even wish goodnight without further ado"

"The amorists, the couples, the lovers devoured by reasons,
look at me and pray for their duo's health in every season"

"Animals, insects, bees and birds, fishes, reptiles, trees and plants,
all retreat for a deep slumber, trapped by my enchanting chant"

"I bless the world with my light, in the lively-dreary night,
I add sparkle to their mood, when they lose their might"

"Now tell me, Mr. Clouds, what is your reply ?
Who won the night, and who will underlie ?"

The clouds stood dumbstruck, awestruck and speechless,
for they knew they had lost, they retracted in distress.

Alas, the cotton fluffs passed, returning the night to the moon alone,
Alas the moon regained it's kingdom and stood guarded on it's thrown.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

The love that is, the lover that isn't

As I stand here, amidst the gloomy pier,
one hand in my pocket, holding on to your locket,
the winds waking me up to reality,
I thought our relation was more than a formality.

Why didn't you tell me ?,
was my authority over you reduced to just a plea ?

10 years of marriage, 10 years of trust,
did you feel like our understanding had caught rust ?
We were still strongly in love, weren't we ?
You were dying day by day, how could I not see ?

That was such a meloncholy morning,
how I wish I could take it as a warning,
We fought, we cried, we were never like this,
I left for work in anger, and you were left without your last bliss.

It was afternoon, suddenly the climate changed to chilly boon,
I was thinking of calling you, for whatever I said, it wasn't true,
And then I got a call that changed my life,
the paramedic on the other end said, "Sir,you lost your wife",

I dropped the receiver, I froze for a moment,
I didn't realise that it was my own descent,
I rushed to the scene of the accident,
they said, "your wife and unborn child lost lives in the event".

My unborn child, why didn't she tell me ?
I lost her forever, I just want to flee,
She meant the world to me, what am I without her now ?
I miss her ways and the way she did "meow".

I lost 3 lives that day, they weren't the only ones to die,
a part of me died with them, and bid the world good-bye,
I never got the chance to tell her I'm sorry,
that I love her, that our bond was our life's safari.

I stand on this pier today, just back from your funeral,
so much was left unsaid, so much felt unreal,
"Oh god, why did this happen ?" I yelled,
I don't know how to deal with it, I feel like I'm expelled.

How do I imagine my world without you ?
How do I go in that empty house without you ?
How do I eat alone without you ?
How do I go out among strangers without you ?
How do I face troubles alone without you ?
How do I...feel love without you ?

I don't have answers, but the questions are filling up,
I need a head's start, I need a start-up,
the water looks deep, the water feels familiar,
is this an answer to be with you, should I veer ?

I feel like you're calling to me,
stretching your hands from the water to set me free,
to be together, even after life,
to be forever with my loving wife.

I stoop down, ready to be taken in your embrace,
ready to leave this world, ready to leave this place,
I dive, with arms wide open, I let your love possess me,
I feel sadness leaving my body like it's on a carefree spree.

The realities of the world are diminishing in front of me,
I'm looking forward to be united with you, my chi,
It's hazy, but I feel a hand grab me, is it you ?
Somebody's trying to revive me, but it's not you.

I come back to my senses, I see the world again,
I see a girl, I see my life's saviour along with the patrolmen,
I realised my mistake, I am not so weak,
you have left me in flesh, but you are always in my heart that beats.


Tuesday, May 11, 2010

A resurrected soul

This post has been 1 of the Spicy Saturday Picks May 22, 2010 on Blogadda :

Sitting beside a window pane,
losing nothing...and nothing to gain,
the smell of wet mud, rain and trees,
insinuating the air, causing time to freeze.

Blue sky succumbing to grey clouds,
wind making sounds like wailing black hounds,
All is dark, all is insipid,
all but one life is livid.

Palm raised forward, to feel the blessing in disguise,
rain drops touch my skin, I feel like they are my allies,
Tiny transparent pearls merrily kiss my face,
relinquishing the last and final afflicting trace.

I smile. I touch. I feel. I thank,
for the sanguine laughter that is no more blank,
My eyes exult with gratitude,
leaving me speechless for words and platitude.

The past reels itself in a flash,
I am affirmative my sorrows are turning into ash,
I feel the jubilation taking over,
looks like I finally found myself a 4-leaved clover :P.

I look at the blossoming yellow daisy, in the vase on the pane,
we look like nothing but a familiar twain,
I whisper in her ears, "blossom, little bud,
our future is bright, we need to scud."

The wind animates her, she looks at me and says,
"Let's rock and roll, sway and replay."
I let out a chuckle with lambent hope and moxie,
ascertaining to use my mirth as proxy.

I look out of the window, at the ground, at the sky,
I see a rainbow, a bold streak of sun-ray amidst the dark clouds so spry,
The grey blanket of shadow, is finally leaving,
along with the sadness, the sorrows, the troubles all retrieving.

I rise-up, take one last look at the scene,
all the messages, all the prognostics, all the summons have been convened,
With an effusive smile,I turn back and leave for good,
who knew that a rebuffing stormy evening could teach something so well understood.

Also written for : JINGLE POETRY - Poetry Potluck dated May 8,2011

Monday, May 3, 2010

One last time...

Part 1

   I looked at him for the last time I thought...

   I had never seen him so perplexed ever before that overpowered his calm and composed demeanor. I knew it was over. He was not the only one who understood how much courage he had to muster to face the truth that he thought was nothing but a state of confusion till now.
    It was just a couple of days before someone else would take me away right in front of his eyes. Somehow I just hoped all this was nothing but a nightmare. I was waiting for someone to pinch me and wake me up from my dream. I was waiting...and I kept on waiting. I waited a bit too long apparently...We had lost everything...We had lost each other. Everything was retrograding. The only person that mattered the most to me...the only person I could call my family...the only person I could lend my heart to...couldn't make up his mind for me.
   "Take this", he said while handing me my charm bracelet.
Tears rolled down from my eyes and kissed my cheeks. I knew this bracelet ultimately was to be delivered to me, but I was hoping for the one that could bring immense joy and happiness to my life and not the other which marked sadness of the same intensity as the happiness. When I had given this charm bracelet to him 12 years ago as a keepsake, we had this pact that : if we ever fall in love with each other, then he would profess his love for me by making me wear it and I was supposed to understand his gesture...and if that didn't happen, then he would just return it to me one day. And the day for the latter to happen had come.

"No, no, I can't possibly take this bugsybug," I cried. Bugsybug was my nickname for him for his repulsion from insects and he called me psycho for my weird imagination.

"What do you mean by you can't?! This was the deal wasn't it ?", he said softly.

"It was the deal I know, but I always hoped for the 1st option...never really prepared myself for the second option...", I couldn't even look into his eyes now.

"And who exactly do you think chose the second option ?", he asked.

"I know I did, but what else do you expect me to do?", I replied holding my tears back.

"To accept it when I was making you wear it the other night."

"But you weren't even sure if you love me bugsybug? You claim you know your feelings...but you don't. I asked you then if you loved me ? But you hesitated. I always thought I knew that we're meant for each other but I can't force you in a relationship if you aren't aware of your own feelings," I said.

"So you go and agree to get married to some other man ?", he blurted out, sadness and tension filling up his otherwise mesmerizing eyes.

"What do you want me to do? Wait for you my whole life when you're not even sure if you're in love with me ? Who never confessed his feelings for me ? Who wants me to be his forever but doesn't really know why ? You want me to be yours but how ? I don't even know what's more painful-to wait for you with the false hope that you will be back one day in my life or to forget you and move on. In both the cases it's me who's losing don't you get it ? ", tears started rolling down my cheeks and I just wanted to rush into his warm embrace and get that comfortable feeling again.

"I want you to not marry him", he implored.

"And then what ?"

"I don't know".

"So should I wait till I get a reply from you in this life or should I take an appointment in my next birth ? Will you be done thinking about that by then, then ?", I replied sarcastically.

"I know I screwed up but how do I let you go when you're the only best friend in my life who knows me in and out, who's been with me through the best and the worst of times, who has brought so much sunshine in my life, a bright life, I have practically lived most of my life with you in it. Now how do I imagine my life without you being in it? Everything happened so fast-first the revelation that you love me, then my parents passing away, my accident, my job gone, I need some time to comprehend ," he replied.

"You don't want me to go away from your life. But how do you want me to stay back as ? It's been three years since then, I have given you time and space. You haven't been through that phase alone, I have been through it with you.
We have laughed and cried together, lived and died together, fought and patched up together, gotten angry and have melted together. But you cannot take forever to decide my fate," I cried.
"Every day I meet you with the hope that maybe...maybe today's the day when I might see myself in your eyes. One day...some day...I hoped I could be the one whom you would want to spend the rest of your life with...and when I didn't see that, you have no clue how I wished you could feel that way for me. I meet you with a glee, with a fool's hope, but when that hope's tarnished in front of me, I go home with sadness in my eyes," I cried.

He didn't speak. He didn't need to. His eyes did all the talking. I gazed into his eyes and could see right through him. I knew he wanted me to wait for him, to be with him...I wanted the same...but not this way. It ripped my heart up into a zillion pieces when I decided to get married to someone else than him...and look at my bad luck-the only person who could stick it up is the one I'm going away from...

"Do you love me?", I asked for one final time to know if I can change my decision.

He just looked at me. His eyes blinked with regret. He knew I would ask him this, he knew the answer, I knew he desperately wanted to evade this question and I knew what his answer was going to be-I knew him far too well...

I smiled and looked at him. He stood there like a child who's candy was just snatched by a bully. I went closer to him. I gave him a soft peck on his cheek and whispered in his ear, " you don't love me and you know that".

He kissed me back and started walking away from me. How I wished he could say that he loved me. How I wished I could know where I stand in his life. How I wished we could have our own happily-ever-after. Why are two people who are meant to be together torn apart like this. Why ? No one can understand me better than him...he understood my mood choices...we completed our sentences even before the other could finish it. No one can provide that warm familiar feeling that said everything's going to be ok no matter how deep shit we're in. He was the only one I spent 12 years of my life with after I was orphaned at the age of 12. No one can understand him better than me...No one could provide him the stability and love that I could...He won't let anyone else understand him but me...Why did this happen...oh lord...!!!

Flashes of the past when we first met at an ice-cream parlour when we were just 12 years old-he was wearing a vibrant blue superman shirt and a red cap, when we first went to school together, when we first went on dinner together, when we first kicked each other, when we first went to college together, when we first travelled to different places together...We did everything together...All that is past now...

Read 'One last time' - Part 2

P.S. : I tried my hands on writing short stories 4 d 1st time :P accordin 2 me dis story sucked :D:P its quite raw n is all over d place:p...but nonetheless since i'v written this much :P i have posted it lol:P...