Saturday, June 18, 2011

I don't remember if I like it or not...

  The clock is ticking, I know it's not for me,
time is flying by, I know it's never meant to be,
an asphyxiated state, I'm fighting real hard,
even though I want to embrace it, I cannot make that positive start.

I'm incomprehensible to myself, for the first time in my life,
I've confused myself to the point, where nothing now seems bright,
am I really moving forward, or am I coagulated in time?
Torn between my mind and invisible feelings, do I really don't care a dime?

The more I think, the more I feel choked,
nothing's ethereal now, I cannot fool myself more,
the nascent feelings, need to wriggle and dissolve now,
for the truth is hard to fight, especially when one's incapacitated to interpret it and how.

The answers will never be laid in front of me,
I'll have to unravel them one at a time with speed,
but I'm on the verge of losing it all, and because of my raging grief,
I want to give up on it all, but I cannot, that's just not me.

There has to be a way, I want to live it all before I vanish,
for the clock is still ticking, and I now know it's for me, it cannot be banished,
but I guess some things are never meant to happen,
no matter how strong your hopes get, they will always lay barren.

In this lightning speed world, I've hidden myself somewhere,
no matter how hard I try, I cannot share it with anyone for whom I care,
and I just stand frozen, still, in the midst of these 'humans',
without a face, without a soul, with an emptiness without the space atoms.

Pondering, muttering, mumbling, I tread the path everyday,
altering decisions, trying to find happiness in every way,
but there's something missing, I know not exactly what,
that gets the best of me, and renders me incomplete like a sentence without a full stop.

And all these passions, that haven't been felt yet,
and all these epiphanies, that are yet to be decoded after tests,
will evaporate without being witnessed by that special person, will die their own deaths,
or they will be buried, deep inside my cage, where they'll flutter with my every breath.

I thought I wouldn't have to bury, anything within me,
I thought I'll keep alive, every little thing that made me happy,
but now I see how life changes your perception,
no matter how hard I try, I no longer feel 'happiness', I no longer see any solution.

But yet, I'm walking forward blatantly,
still in the foolish hope of acknowledging even the slightest of anomalies,
I'm exhausted, I'm tired, I want to rest for a while now,
but it's me against myself, who wants to keep going on, no matter how.

If only I was as weak as the others, I would have written more about my feelings,
but I have an alibi to maintain, a mask without healings,
a soul without dependency, a thinking without faith,
a confidence without happiness, a 'me' without 'myself''s embracing weight.


Credit:
Girl with a rose image: Tamara Kwan (http://www.tammylynn.co.uk)

11 comments:

  1. rich and moving words.

    keep walking, bless you.

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  2. I love that last stanza this so beautifully written and so personal lovely!

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  3. Powerful last stanza... definitely a yearning desire to go on, yet the energy to do so has been zapped by life, draining the ever forward motion.

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  4. love the honesty of your close...i feel this at times...

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  5. So beautiful, so well written, so from the heart. This is wonderful

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  6. Strongly written and a nice story like feel to it, well done.

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  7. @ bb-thnx

    @ jingle-thnx a lot :)

    @ mindlovemisery-thnx a lot :d i like d last stanza too :D

    @ reflections-yeah n ur always stuck in d confusion of if u shud move forward o stay put.

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  8. @ brian-thnx 4 appreciatin it.

    @ trevor-if only i had a heart :D but thnx 4 likin d poem :D.

    @ pat hatt-thnx a lot :).

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  9. The image of the girl with rose in silhouette used with this post is mine, I am the photographer, I hold the copyright. I have not given permission for it to be used. If you are going to use other peoples work at least credit them. http://www.tammylynn.co.uk

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  10. @ Tamara - you can read the disclaimer at the bottom of this page where I've clearly mentioned that I don't hold the copyright to the pics except for the ones in my travel posts!

    Secondly, how am I to know who the original photographer or the website is for the images that are available on the internet and are reproduced multiple times in numerous posts and websites? Had I been sure about the original source of the photo, of course I would have given the credit to the originator!

    In any case, since you brought this to my notice (and thanks for that), I'm going to credit the image to you.

    But it always helps to first know the other person's side of the story, instead of lashing out a comment that appears to be mentioned in a stern and implied alleging manner! Not everyone's interested in wrongful activities!

    And lastly, it's a beautiful capture - the image of a girl with a rose. At least to me, the image appears profound and carefree.

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