Thursday, January 19, 2012

Fading again...


 
And so my thought gets firmer by the day,
I shouldn't have been born, it gets harder everyday,
the disappointment, the sadness, the bitterness that stares,
right into my eyes, and tears fall down.

But now the sour water doesn't even matter,
they're a habit, a natural reflex,
when the pain has no other outlet,
and no other can even be a solution.

I feel restless, I can't do a thing,
I run helter-skelter in my mind, only to find something,
an answer, a solution, a happiness perhaps,
to set things right, that I could never accomplish at all.

And I feel angry, but the love is more stronger,
I feel weak, like a zombie when attacked,
no strength to comprehend, what goes wrong all the time,
when happiness is replaced by pain, I'm only to be blamed.

I can't go there, and I can't stay here,
I can't fight any more, and I can't surrender either,
though my ego I have killed, and my feelings I have supported,
and my brain I have abandoned, and my heart I have encouraged.

And it's a chaos inside of me, that no one can fathom,
if only my words wouldn't have left me, I could have described,
the blow on my soul, that I experience,
on the quest to make you happy, but I can't do even that.

You are my support, my happiness is with you,
the words that you say, you don't realise how much they hurt,
it feels like my soul gets slapped, and falls sick,
when all we want is, to be happy together.

Coz you matter to me, more than any one can ever imagine,
and you love me so much more than any one can even guess,
our bond is weird, the connection even strange,
and time is of constraint here, it's not a luxury for us,
but why all this? Am I so pathetic?

And here I'm alone, my thoughts to myself,
trying to cope up, with these nuances of life,
transfixed and unable to talk, and just want to crawl up,
and go into hiding forever.

Coz I can't explain, my plight as such,
I only wish today again, that I wasn't born ever,
a living disappointment that is incomprehensible,
lifeless again, but it doesn't even matter.